Chapter 7- Devestation

Paint, I thought, all I needed to focus on was painting. When I was not with the girls or helping them I needed to paint. We needed money, especially after what happened that day.All those guest... The guests who had to leave in the middle of our party. My wedding party.I couldn't think about it, I wouldn't. I was still pregnant and getting bigger day by day. Forcing myself through the motions, forcing myself to eat. Food had no taste... I stopped caring.

"Mom, do you believe in ghosts?" Nyx asked me one day after school. "I do honey" I reply "I believe in ghosts and spirits and I do believe that some get trapped on this plane until they get fulfillment of some sort..." I look down to see the look Nyx is giving me.  "Ahh, I will explain better when you get older my darling." realizing that she might be a little young to learn about this, to understand what I believe. She had always been a curious one, taking after her father.

I did my best to keep my composure around the girls. They were still getting used to the fact that their dad was absent from our lives. Thoughts sparked off through my head, I needed to remove old photos. Max had been an amazing father to Nyx and Ophilia, he loved them so much.  I turned the picture face down, trying not to dwell on the memories.I continued to work on my novel "Something in the wind" I did anything I could to keep busy, only thing I had not done was been with a man. I couldn't think of it.

My sister Aria came to visit multiple times since the night of the party. Begging me to put what happened behind me. "Mila" Aria said, her voice soft, "Please, let me help you. We can get through this and we can put it behind you" 

"Ar, I love you, but I am not ready yet. I cant face it" I replied each time.

"Mom, mommy" Ophilia screamed "Wake up, please get up" Nyx curled into a ball crying on my bed.  This had only happened once before and I hated myself for it, the girls did not need to see me this way. I had been having a nightmare, the same nightmare that played across my eyes every time I closed them. This time I had woke the girls up screaming in my sleep and falling off my bed.  They deserved better.

Before I knew it it was baby time, I hated going through this alone. More reminders of Max. But I would love these babies with all of my heart, just as I do the rest. Labor pains were brutal, I could tell it was going to be a long night. I pushed and pushed. A girl, a beautiful blue skinned baby girl. Her skin sent a pang through my heart it was just like Max's. But I cried with joy, I had healthy births and children. That was all I cared about. I had triplets that night. A long hard labor.  How am I going to do this on my own? I thought out-loud. I have 5 kids in this house now.

Aurora Autumn- Toddler
 

Ryver Autumn- Toddler

Zoe Autumn- Toddler

They were adorable, reminding me so much of their dad. They were a perfect mix of Max and I.

"Mila!" Aria yelled from the kitchen "I could use some help in here please" I rushed out "Coming!""I said back. I turned the corner, seeing a flash of blue out of the corner of my eyes in the kitchen landed me on the floor. The memories of that night flooding my mind.

The party had been going amazing, everyone congratulating us. I couldn't wait to wear a beautiful white dress for Max, to see his face light up as I walked down the isle. Little did I know that I would not be having my wedding...

Max had said he would return, but he had taken so long, I wanted to find him and tell him the news I had just found out about me being pregnant.  I had went through the back door, stopping to thank people passing by telling me how happy they were for us. Not paying any attention I had walked into the kitchen to get some juice out of the fridge. I noticed water on the floor, I turned around and fell to the floor screaming. 

"No... NO!!!!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face. "Max, please baby, wake up" I shook him. "Wake up!, I need you, you are not allowed to leave me." I cried and scooped him into my arms. "Call 911, someone help, help me""I screamed, hoping someone was in the house to hear me.

Aria had called 911 and made everyone leave the party. I had locked myself in the bathroom with no plan on coming out. Knowing the alcohol and liquid sleep medication I had with me was not a good thing.

"I let them see their dead father" I cried. "I am supposed to protect them, to make sure NOTHING ever happens to them" I looked at Aria. 

"How am I supposed to bring more children into this world right now when I let that happen. I am a horrible mother.""tears streaming down my face.

"Mila, the first place to start, is to give me that bottle, both bottles for that matter. You are pregnant, and I know you do not want to hurt those babies. Your heart is hurting right now, but if you were to do anything that harmed your children you know you could never live with yourself. " She reached for the bottles that were in front of me.

I let her take them, she was right. If the pregnancy were to go wrong in any way I would never forgive myself. I watched as Aria dumped both bottles in the toilet and flushed. Sitting on the floor next to me she rubbed my back.  

"Can I join you on your trip next week?""I asked. "I know it is last minute, but I need a break" 

Aria smiled. "Of course you can sister." She said giving me a big hug.

Ophilia Autumn- Young Adult

Nyx Autumn- Young Adult

Aria helped me plan the funeral. The whole things was a blur. We had a slight open casket. The one thing being I had asked Aria to have a small ceremony. I didn't want many people there.

I had called Max's twin brother, Jon. He had been out of town for as long as I had know Max, doing work in another country. They had finally decided to let him have some time off for our wedding. I would have met him for the first time there.

Nyx and Ophilia had gotten older when I finally decided to bury Max, it had been a long process of figuring out what had happened to him, foul play was ruled out. Jon was having a hard time with his grieving. He had brought his and Max best friend Dillon with him.

I sobbed. "How am I going to do this Ar? How?" My poor toddlers not know what was going on around them, why mommy was upset.

Jon had made it to the ceremony late and I had not had the chance to formally meet him. I tried to hold my composure as I walked over. Besides the hair, him and Max were identical. Jon was more clean cut where was Max was relaxed and out going. "Jon" I start "My condolences, your brother was such an amazing man, father, lover and friend. I miss him so much. I am so sorry that we had to meet under these terms instead of the happy original ones.

"Mila, Max had told me so much about you, he was absolutely deeply in love with you. He was right about your beauty also" He said, trying to soften the mood. 

"Thank you" I said, too upset to feel anything from the words he said. "I heard you are moving into his house, with his friends?" I asked.

"I am, maybe I will see you around, I am here if you need anything."

I was pulled out of my trance to find myself standing. Aria had dragged me into another room trying to calm me down, to get me talking. "Mila, snap out of it" she shouted in my face.

"I'm here, I am here" I replied, shaking my head to release the images of my flash back.

I cried myself to sleep on the floor that night. I needed change when I got back from my trip with Aria. I needed to move.

Me and Max's kids

Nyx, Ryver, Zoe, Aurora, Ophilia

Aria made us take it, tryint to get a smile out of me.

Thoughts? Comments? 

Thank you for reading

 (AN- These first few chapters of mine are rough, but my writing does get better.[This one is copied over from fb])